somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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