Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
