Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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