turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
