Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
