next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
