I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You dont lie about slip and slides
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
