It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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