He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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