Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have surprise drugs for everyone
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
