I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
