Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize