I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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