I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
