So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
