We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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