uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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