i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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