Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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