How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
