Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
