He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
