; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
