he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
