today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
