i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
