Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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