Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
