do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hippo gnu deer
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
