put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
