got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
