By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
