It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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