Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
splinters make it hard to masturbate
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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