Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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