Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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