woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
