if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
