So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
