What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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