I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i drank out of a bidet.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize