I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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