OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He shit in the fireplace
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
