so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ttyl tear gas
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
