i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
