i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
