I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
