almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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