I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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