i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
