tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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