Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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