dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think my moral compass just broke
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
