First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
