One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
