If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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