Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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