you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
