Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize