I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
