Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
