He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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