so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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