I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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