so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You smell like stripper and shame
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
