My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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