The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
